Wednesday, January 28, 2009

dealing with it?


I never knew this time away from him would be so hard. When we entered this relationship we both knew it would be long distance. We didn't think it was going to be this hard. I knew I was going to miss him. I didn't think it was going to be this bad. I think about him every second of my day. I never wanted to be with someone as badly as I want to be with him. He's the reason I wake up every morning. He's the reason why I actually try in school now. I tired of being a failure, I wanna show him I am smart, I want him to be as proud of me as I am of him. He keeps me going everyday. Now I have something to look foward to, the day I can call him my husband. it seems a bit too much to people but to use its our way of life. We know we are serious about each other and its real. Our kids are gonna be suck retards. haha I miss and love you babe<3

Saturday, January 17, 2009

saying goodbye.

Friday I spent the day with Louie. He picked up Lianne, Sam and I from school. We went food shopping then dropped off the girls at Samantha's. We went back to Louies house to hang out for a little then went to applebee's. Before we went to Sam's for movie night we stopped by Ashlelys house she had a pass this weekend and we brought her a salad. The hard part wasn't seeing ashley. It was around 3 am. When I had to say goodbye to Louie. As I walked him down to the door I hadent realized it hit me. He's leaving. I am going to miss him like crazy! Im not gonna be able to wake up in the morning, call him to ask what the plans are for the day then go over his house. I wont be able to hold him when I want a hug, kiss his lips just because I love the sweet taste they leave on mine. We ended up just standing in the hallway holding eachother. Of course I am the big baby and started to cry. It's a good thing I have Louie to help me in this relationship otherwise, I would be a wreck! He told me it was going to be okay he would come back to visit whenever he gets the chance. That it is going to be hard but we will make this work. He's going away to school to make his career so he can take care of us in the future. I guess I am just going to have to grow a pain and suck it up. Yhis is one of those sacrifices both of the partners have to make in a relationship. I am willing to do anything for Louis. I love him more than life itself. I will be waiting for his first visit back home.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Letter


Louie,
I remember the first day we hung out. It was our lunch break at 44, I went with you, Mark and Trent to your house for lunch. You showed me your mini diploma, it was so adorable! Just like you :) After that day we started to become closer. Hanging out more and talking on the phone. I remember I had the second shift, no one i knew was working and you came in to keep me company. We stayed in the game room that whole time talking our brains out. After work we went to your baseball game. I watched you the whole time, although I was with Mark and Farley. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Although I had a boyfriend and you were hooking up with someone, I always found myself wanting to be closer to you. I remember the last week of work I had to leave early for my vacation to colorado. I would have rather stayed here with you. What killed me the most was that the day I came home- you were leaving for college. I remember after you got settled in you called me and we spoke for an hour :) I have always felt so comfortable around you. I was glad after school had started for you, still you would come home on weekends to visit. I had the chance to hang out with you again, like how it was in the summer. I really did feel like I was your come home girlfriend. It didn't make me sad to think that. It was the closest thing I had to feeling like your girlfriend and I accepted that feeling into my heart. I felt so amazed when you brought Josh and Salty home to meet me, I got to meet some of your college friends. They were cool, Josh will always be my favorite ;) For some reason I would always feel like we tried to get each other jealous on purpose. i think it worked. For all your visits i dredded one thing. when it came time to say goodbye. i could never forget the night of my birthday. we were texting more than normally. i was going crazy on the phone with Jett and Sam. i made up my mind, i was going to tell you how I felt about you. I told you i was scared, I liked you but didn't want to ruin our friendship. I tried to put it as simple as possible because I didnt think I had a chance. I didn't think you liked me at all. i thought i ruined my relationship with one of my very close friends. but to my suprise you felt the same. you liked me too but didn't want to say anything because you didnt think i felt the same and would rather have me as a friend then as nothing at all. i told you that i felt like your come home girlfriend. you amazing wordds were that you wanted me to be your real girlfriend. we felt like complete idiots. we should have had this conversation months ago! i called you up and you told me you wanted to be with me. i am not going to lie i had the biggest smile on my face. my only worry was not that it would be long distant because i trusted you, i had faith in you. But because i didnt want you to give up your college experience. However, you wanted to try out our relationship and i wasn't going to stop you, it is exactly what i wanted. I haven't stoped loveing every minute of it. We have been together for a month already. i don't know where the time went. I have never been so happy in my life. i knew i would love, but never dreamed it was going to be like this. i have one single theory on relationships. you have to get your heart broken several times before you find a good guy. all the heart aches, pain and suffering i have been through was worth it. i would do anything for you. You are my real life prince charming. New Years was the best day ever Babe. Bringing me to see Ashley had to be the best gift you have ever given me. It might not seem like a big deal to you, it was just driving me to a friends house. I guess this is what they mean by "the little things count". I haven't seen ashley in four months. Seeing her face, talking to her in person, hugging and kissing her. having her and the family meet my absolutely amazing boyfriend meant the world to me! the best part was fter we came home , i tried all my might to hold them in but the tears wouldnt stay. i was laying on you hopeing you didnt feel me crying. when you noticed and asked- begged for me to tel you why i was upset it was hard to answer. i wasn;t sure myself. It was because I was mad at Ashley. Mad she had tried to kill herself, leaving me alone. Mad that when i need her most she wasn't here. Mad that i couldn't see her more. And because i missed her terribly. You would have taken me back, but i didnt think i could say goodbye to her again. then was when it happend. when you confessed the one thing the both of us will never forget. You never felt like this before, you would do anything for me, I mean everything to you, I am your world, that you have fallen for me. Your in love with me. Those words have never sounded so sweet. They sang in my ears. My heart fluttered rapidly. I touched your cheek with my hand and said "I am so in love with you". You could hear the honesty in my voice. You spoke those sweet words, the ones i will never forget. "Susan, I love you" Since that day, you have been constantly reminding me that you love me. That is all that I could wish for. You are perfect for me. As if you have just dropped clear out of the sky. We act completely retarded together, and I love it! Weither we are driving in the car singing, watching disney movies, eatting, sleeping, blowling, at the batting cages, even sitting there and picking each others noses! :) I can still be myself around you. I have completely embarassed myself by snoring in front of you, theres not much embarassing things left that i could do. I know it seems crazy that I think about my future with you. It seems like i have known you for years now. I try to imagine where i am going to be in the next couple of years. I see me in your arms. I want to be with you for a long time. years and years sweetie. Don't be scared, please. I want you to be here with me. Never leave me. I want you here forever. I never want our fairy tale to end. You mean the world to me. I would do anything for you. I would give you my kidney. I want us to be happy like this always. Happy, with the life we make for ourselves. I have never wanted something so badly in my life. I am crazy in love with you, baby. Please, don't ever break my heart. I give you the key to it. Put it in your mouth and swallow it. So you can be the only one able to hold the key. I love you forever and always. I will never stop.

As I dream

As work is constantly over loaded and I look into colleges it scares me to think about my future. What does that even mean? What is this path we make our future? Is it to go to college for years not even knowing what you want to do? Is it thinking about what you will look like ten years from now? Is it the day dream you are constantly haunted by when you think of who you are going to marry? I don't know what my future is, I don't know what i want to go to school to be. However, I do know one thing. When i have that dream, of the path I am going to take. I always see your face. And then I think of us being together, taking off in our careers together, and growing old together. All I know about this dream is that someday I wish to make it come true.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

he's amazing :)

The only interest in my life is my boyfriend louie. He is the most important thing to me my most prized obsession. Every moment im with him fills my stomach with butteflies like im a little girl again. I love him more and more everyday. We act like complete retards with eachother. He is my best friend. I tell him everything. He is the number I call when i am upset. That shoulder i run to cry on. Hes the only person who understands me. I am my complete self when I am with him. This summer wouldn't have been the same if i wasn't for him. I look foward to our future together. I love you with all of my heart<3

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Twilight Poster



Today I went to Louie's house and he had a suprise. when i asked what the gift was for he said"happy wednesday" it was for absolutely no reason. Just me being me. I ripped off the plastic paper the second i saw the word. Twilight. There he was, the beautiful pale skin God. Edward Cullen! The other poster was the obsession. The joker. I could watch Dark Knight over and over again. Thank you baby so much. the little things like that mean the most. He knows me better than i do. Every night i love at my two favorite men hanging on my wall and my baby louie Jr.